Insomnia is fun.
Dear I.,
Who, I wonder, convinced you that your dreams were not worthwhile?
When, I wonder, did you give up hope for yourself, and subsequently your future children?
You were a bright and lovely child. You didn’t have an easy life, but really no one does. We were all very proud of how you handled your burdens, and we were all hopeful that you would overcome the hurdles in your life. That you would achieve something more than the previous generations.
I’m heartbroken to hear that those hurdles have tripped you so badly already in your short life. They were difficult tasks, I know, but with your intelligence we all thought you could overcome them.
We were wrong, and we have had to stand by as you stumble again and again.
First, you dropped out of high school. Was it too hard? Too easy? Did you not get along with your peers? Your teachers? Why did you make this decision? Why did you think this was a *good* decision, the right decision for you?
As a high school misfit I know how hard it can be. What went wrong with you, that didn’t go wrong with me? Was I somehow luckier? Did my friends and family push me harder than they pushed you? Where did you go wrong?
Where did we, your friends and family, go wrong in raising you?
Now I hear that, at 18 years old, you are pregnant by a man who is unlikely to support you or your child. I’m left to wonder if this is what you planned for yourself, when you were a child and said, “When I grow up, I want to be a …”
A teenage mother. You’ve got a difficult road ahead of you, love. You are so young, with all the world ahead of you. Even now you can achieve much in the world, your dreams, but now it will require 1000 times the effort.
And I know what that means.
It means that you will probably choose the easy path. You will soon have a mouth to feed, so you will need to get a job. That probably means a factory in the area–it’s the easiest and they will accept you without a high school degree.
Soon you’ll be living paycheck to paycheck, just like everyone else, and you’ll realize you’re trapped. Ask around. So many people say, “I wish…”
Is this the future you desire? For both yourself and your child?
Is this what you dream of?
A better, but harder, path is available to you. There is an affordable university in the area, and several community and vocational colleges as well. In so many ways, higher education brings the world to you.
You’ll have to depend upon your friends and family, however, to help. I think they’ve shown that they are willing. At least one has been in your shoes. Listen to her, she’s wiser than you give her credit for. And she bullied my unambitious arse through college, so I know she’s up to the task.
Dreams are important. My dreams were always pretty simple: to not live paycheck to paycheck, to have a garden and a library, and to get a job where I am paid to think rather than be just another warm body. My friends and family helped me achieve all of these goals. They helped me achieve happiness.
Happiness, really, is the universal goal of the human race. It’s different for all of us, but I doubt that your current status leaves you happy. For this universal goal, I give you three pieces of advice:
- Love your child unconditionally. Whether or not the father chooses to be a part of your lives, the child was born because of a decision you made. The choice in mate is also your doing, so please, never blame any of your child mistakes or failings upon their father. Environment is more important than genes when raising a child. Speak to my mother, she knows excelled at this and the evidence is writing this letter.
- Get educated. Stop making excuses and get your GED if you haven’t already. If you have, take the ACT or start looking into requirements for the community or vocational schools in the area. Education is a tool with which you can achieve any dream. Please, pay your own tuition by either taking night classes while holding down a job, or getting scholarships or loans. It’s time to earn your own way in the world, for both you and your child. Do this, and you will truly have something to be proud of.
- Be good to your family and friends. You will need them in the times ahead. Be kind. Never demand things from them, you’re not a child who can make irrational demands anymore; instead, ask nicely and understand if they can’t help you. Do not emotionally bribe them, ever. Do not take advantage of them, ever. If you do, you will very quickly that the only person willing to put up with you is your child, and that only lasts until the teenage years.
If you’re unsure of what you should study, find something that you enjoy and see if you can make a career out of it. Or, try various jobs in the area and see if you particularly enjoy or are good at any of them. Often the way college transforms any student’s brain (ie critical thinking) is more important than our topic of study. Take computer courses, though.
Even if your dream is to simply “to not be poor”, follow it. Work hard, use your head and make good decisions for yourself and your child.
You kid is relying on you. Don’t let him/her down.
Love,
M
